Types Of Love
Agape | Love of The Soul
Love of Humanity | Human Goodness
"Agape love" is not similar to the type of "natural love" that we as people with sinful nature produce. Our "natural love" is the kind that spirals inward and only zeroes on our loved ones and ourselves. Therefore Satan uses and manipulates this limited type of love to attack mankind. Selfish love does not make us grow more in magnanimity and generosity. It segregates people by finding reasons why we should love or not love certain groups of people.
Weselfishly love our family members and our friends to the exclusion of others. We also naturally hate our enemies and those who are not so loveable. What Jesus offers is a different kind of love - Agape love. Agape love is almost "unnatural". However, "unnatural" is not the right word because it indicates that Agape love is never a part of the true nature of mankind. The more appropriate word to describe Agape love should be "supra-natural". "Supra" means "above". "Supra-natural" means that Agape love has been given from above and it has always been intended to be a part of the human nature. When mankind fell into sins, it was lost. Now it has been returned to us through the Holy Spirit and it is far more superior to the manipulated kind of "love" that Satan wants us to have.
Relationships are everything...simply because they all that exist. Nothing has to mean until you decide how it relates to you or how you relate to it. It is the process of making these associations that will determine the outcome of our experiences in life.
We are creatures of love that have thrust ourselves into what appears to be a world of hate. We once knew there was only one form of love, but now the influence of fear and separation has provided us with the perception that love can exist on several levels.
The Most Common Are -
EROS LOVE -
known as 'erotic love', is based on strong romantic feelings towards another.
PHILOS LOVE -
a love based on the friendship between two people who share a mutual, 'give-and-take' relationship.
AGAPE LOVE -
unconditional love that is always giving and impossible to take or be a taker. It devotes total commitment to seeking your highest best no matter how anyone may respond. This form of love is totally selfless and does not change whether the love given is returned or not. This is the original and only true form of love.
The description of 'Agape Love' that is accepted by most beliefs as the love that God provides, is identical to how his love is described throughout "A Course in Miracles", which is founded on the primary principle that God's love for us has never allowed him to even begin to see us differently, regardless of what we may have done or believed we have done. The Course is repeatedly clear how God never takes and only gives, which is how creation works since God creates by extending himself...as he also extended himself into what has come to be known as us, the Son of God.
God never takes...and since we are created in his likeness...with his same method of thinking and being, our true selves (not these ego shrouded human shells) also know this is true. We inherently know that it is never better to take or require that somebody give. Giving is natural and never includes loss of any kind. True giving is like creation in that you do not lose what you give, but you extend that thing and it grows larger as you give it, or share it...like sharing a story or experience.
True giving is rarely experienced on a physical level since we perceive the thing as missing once it is given. On a physical level, you believe you have less after you give or that you have more when you receive. As you can see, this physical world has nothing to do with agape love since this world is based upon taking and having more or upon losing and having less. Agape love is based upon giving through sharing and knowing you already have everything and have nothing to lose. Agape love acknowledges that we are all connected and can only move that thing amongst ourselves, but never outside, so we never lose it. Everything is simply shared.
In a spiritual reality, only thoughts of agape love exist. Nothing else can exist there since everything is in harmony. There is no thought of less or loss or sacrifice since all needs are met before they even exist. This is where the mind of our God exists and it is from here where he teaches us and speaks to us. Every thought or idea that has truly originated from the mind of God originated from his center of Agape Love.
Since we are no longer centered in agape love, the issue we have while forming relationships is that we tend to severely limit the capacity of the relationship to what we can get from the other or what we think the other wants to take from us. This form of relationship stems from "Philos" love which indicate you share a like-mindedness (eg. if you agree with me, I will love you). A Philos love relationship is mutual, "give-and-take" relationship which ends the moment one side either does not get what they want or is asked for something they do not wish to give.
Our confusion on the purpose of love relationships is often then applied to how we think God relates to us, where we imagine that God only loves us when we please him, or that God will only walk with us if we acknowledge him, or that God will only extend his hand and carry us back to him in heaven if we agree with what we think he demands from us. In doing this, we have created a pilot love relationship with God which is totally at odds with his agape love since agape love only gives and never takes and is void of any necessary condition. Agape love asks for nothing and gives everything....simply because we are the children of agape love.
Having built walls between ourselves and our creator, we have distanced ourselves from sensing God's love and the world we see around us is a reflection of living without real love. This environment breeds calamity and destruction since that is the result of life-based on fear instead of love. If accepting perfect love can cast out fear, then likewise, accepting fear removes our ability to sense perfect love.
Fortunately, our creator views any problem or tragic moment as an opportunity to reach into our hearts and provide the reason for a change. No matter what loss appears to have occurred, he is not angry or upset at who we think is at fault because he knows nothing has been lost. Since material things have no eternal value, they do not matter at all to him. In addition, any person you believe has died, is still safe in spirit form, and since God exists spiritually, he does not sense the loss of this being and therefore has no reason to be upset at anyone. His only thought is to help us see that life can be happier... life can be fuller... it is better to be kind... it is better to be loving, and then our time down here will become a focus on preparing ourselves to return to our creator. Regardless of what happens here, He has not and never will lose one of us because we are created eternal spirits, just like him. Jesus proved when he rose again that you can kill the body, but the spirit remains, untouched and unaffected by anything that happens while here in this physical world.
Agape love is seeing the answer and sharing that with whoever is seeing or experiencing the problem. Agape love is never judgmental and is eternally patient with anything that must be learned. Agape love is totally without demands or requirements. Agape love is total truth in that it does not change, no matter what appears to change around it.Agape love knows not of time since time does not exist in heaven. Agape love is unconditional forgiveness for any event because agape love transcends the concept of needing forgiveness in that it knows we are simply misguided and therefore our actions are not held against us in the first place.
Like frightened children running through a dark forest, we act irrationally and do things out of fear and panic. Agape love knows this and seeks only to help us resolve our fears so that we can see clearly once again and return to full communication with our creator.
Nothing physical matters. Nothing can be lost. Nothing can be taken. Nothing needs to be given. In our true form, we know this, but right now we can only recite the words...but we don't really believe them...and that's why we are here. We are in a place where we believe we have been removed from agape love and have written books about a god who does not behave as though he is agape love, but this is not so. The closest our reality can be described here is to think of this as a collective dream on a universal scale. We, the Son of God, attempted to perform something separate from our creator and this is not possible, so instead, this action created a place... a dream, where Gods agape love does not seem to exist...and this is a horrific thought and thus our lives have been horrific.
God has sent the Holy Spiritto help awaken us and to help us see that this world is upside down and totally backward in thinking. This world teaches taking. God teaches giving. This world teaches sacrifice and guilt. God teaches you to have nothing to lose so there is nothing to sacrifice and therefore nothing to make others feel guilty about. This world teaches that fear is necessary to survive, but God teaches that love casts out fear and that we will only truly live when we cast out our fear and embrace agape love once again.
Every lesson, teaching or guideline that ever truly came from God, can only originate from the unchangeable spirit of his unconditional love and endless patience, and his truths, or love, can speak of nothing else. We do know the truth when we hear it because God created us in his image, therefore, we too are agape love. Once we learn to really embrace this, we will remember who we really are and then we'll wake up to see our creator right where he always has been....everywhere...above us, beside us, below us, within us. Everywhere.
Love God, Love Yourself and Love One Another
It works in this order because it is through reconnecting your thinking about being one with God that allows you to love yourself and it is only through receiving this love and engaging in it that you can love others similarly. If you REALLY have the heart to help people love you so you can love them this way-without condemnation or condition.
People may protest about loving others but they will never protest against BEING loved. And there are those who say, "I love but other don't love me"... then, you have not gone far enough into Love. Because when you do, you will no longer see yourself as unloved by others and the Love you become will be irresistible.
It's time to major on the majors. First things first. Then everything else can come easily into alignment. Let go of the struggle and Love.
This is the highest kind of love. It is God-given. When the Bible says "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son..." (Jn. 3:16), it is referring to agape love. This type of love is the one described in 1 Corinthians 13. One with agape love will not be pulled away from a relationship just because the partner is in the financial crisis or is seriously ill. It is the kind of love that is able to confess in word and deed "for better for worse... in sickness and in health... for richer, for poorer... till death do us part." Nevertheless, to possess agape love doesn't mean that one won't possess a certain degree of eros and philia, but agape overshadows these two.
Storge Love | The Love of Family
Family Love | Loving One’s Family
Storge: Modern Parental Love
Across the globe, parents place paramount importance on ensuring the health and safety of their children, providing the emotional and practical means to succeed as adults and the transmission of the ideological and cultural values. Virtually no one will disagree that a high-quality parent-child relationship is critical for healthy development of both parties, but successfully pinpointing the basis of the love found between parent and child is more baffling.
Parents often struggle to define the love of a child. For many, the act of labor and the precise moment of birth changes their very perspective on life. It reframes the standard definitions of why we are here. It un-packs what is our purpose in life. In a nutshell, this connection is a very spiritual and personal bond for both the parent and the child.
Indeed, the first instance of love of a child is one of the very few transformative moments in a parent’s life. It is also one of the few natural occurring events that raises many arguments on the very subject of love. For example, some researchers have argued that love and affection come in many kind of forms that is; familial, sexual, friendship and pets. Another school of thought contests that there exists only one core love which cuts across all the major relationships.
This second point is somewhat problematic when the parent-child bond is considered. Pinpointing the exact emotions and the instant bond between parent and child is not an easy feat, nor one that cannot easily be bucketed under a single definition of love. Fear, excitement, confusion and joy can all arise at any given moment, which is not often the case with other definitions of love and attachment.
Academia generally agrees with this kind of idea that parental bonds with children occupy a unique emotional space. The philosophers, psychologists and the parenting experts all have their own views on why the love between a parent and a child is quite different as compared to that of a married couple, a love between friends or a love of a particular place or object. The volume of explanations go on and go.
However, somewhat reassuringly, debate around this kind of topic has raged for a several millennia. Different cultures have ascribed the different names to this form of love. Irrespective of era and location, the idea or guiding principal that the parental-child bond occupies a distinct form of love, does though remains fairly consistent.
Storge is one such concept that aims to explain the love parents feel towards a child, and vice versa. While not limited to the parent-child dynamic, storgic love is defined loosely as a familial love. While it can describe attachments between the siblings, it is most frequently used to describe the love between the parents and offspring. Taking a broader view of this idea, storge is a love of unity. It is the type of love that binds the families together, races, clans and the social groupings. Patriotism is a good example of this, and in itself a characteristic of a functional parent and child relationship.
Storge is not based on a desire, It is not fleeting. It is not impermanent. It is, for lack of a better expression, love at its most basic and pure.
The origin of both the word and concept is traced to the Golden Age of Greece. It was the age of Plato, the birth of intellectual virtue and the dawn of a modern philosophy. The age was defined for its existential and the scientific leanings, where deliberations on the basic human emotions such as love, attachment and a compassion were commonplace. Storge is part of this tradition.
Translated from Ancient Greek, the word roughly corresponds to what we nowadays understand as natural affection. Most commonly, it was deeply rooted in ideas of the family and the love that binds and develops over time.
Conceptually, storge is distinct from the three other Ancient Greek concepts of love and affection. C.S. Lewis, in his study, The Four Loves describes this kind of love as the humblest and most widely diffused of loves’. However, fully understanding this idea must be considered in terms of the broader definitions of love in the Ancient Greek sense.
Firstly, Agape while also linked with connotations of love for children is more accurately used in religious or spiritual concepts. The idea of a god loving all his or her children is central to agape. On a deeper level, Agape generally refers also to the human reciprocal love for God. Its influence has been wide ranging, becoming a central tenant of the world’s great monotheistic religions.
Eros, foundation of the English word erotic, should not confuse anyone in its meaning. Eros is firmly etched into the world of sexual passion or intimacy. Digging deeper, Eros is also been used by philosophers to denote attraction to beauty itself rather than the person. Plato’s Symposium, the most famous ancient work on the subject, argues that eros is responsible for framing the ideal "Form" of youthful beauty that leads us humans to feel erotic desire.
On the other hand Philia, the final of the four loves of Ancient Greek means affectionate regard, friendship,usually between peers. Aristotle, the best-known student of Plato, understood philia as expressed in various forms. Loyalty to friends, family, and community, and relationships based on virtue, equality, and familiarity were core to his beliefs. Ever heard the expression, brotherly love? If so, you understand the guiding principle of philia and the context in which it is correctly used.
In the Greek sense, understanding what storge isn’t, when contrasted with the other four loves, is fairly straight forward. This notion was picked up further in the Christian Bible. Countless examples of acts of storge are found in the Bible, particularly the Old Testament. Iconic tales with an element of storge include the love and mutual protection among Noah and his wife, their sons and daughters-in-law in Genesis.
Elsewhere in the Bible, the family unity element of storge was also an integral part of ancient Jewish culture. In one of the most quoted and renowned verses of Exodus, in tale of the Ten Commandments to be exact, God charges his people to: “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the lord your God is giving you.” In other words, the foundational concepts of storge holds gravitas in the eyes of all.
Even by fast forwarding several millennia, when considered in the context of the bond between a parent and child, this type of love continues to intrigue thinkers and regular people alike. As such, the question we will continue to ask ourselves is whether the concept of storge is still applicable in the modern world and if so, what answers does this ancient idea provide about why parents and children feel a different affection to each other than other people.
The short answer to this question is yes, the concept of storge is a foundational aspect of the parent and child relationship. Despite a widely-publicised proliferation of broken homes, estranged children and tragic cases of child abuse, storge is still applicable today. Insights drawn directly form this Ancient Greek idea into the relationship between mother/father and child that have stood the test of time.
Exploring several key aspects and applications of storge in the concept of familial love and the emotional link between parents and children that is not replicated in other relationships. We can say that is A Bond That Grows: The love between a parent and child is instantaneous and indescribable. Talk to any first time parents what they are feeling and you will likely hear them say, “it was love at first sight.” Intense as this might seem, part of the excitement of being a new parent is knowing that the bond and love will intensify further over time. While this experience is natural, this strength and depth of this love can feel equally unnatural and unexplainable.
Simply put, the love you feel for your child is core component of your make-up as parent, it is part of your wiring that grows from the moment you conceive to when you depart this world. In more simple terms, you’re primed to form instantaneous bonds with your child and there is no logical explanation as to why and how. Fortunately for many anxious first time parents, your child is equally likely to build this bond from within the womb and their first appearance in the delivery room,this phenomenon is storge at work.
Love based on storge can appear immediately, if the Ancient Greeks, are to be believed. The flipped of this concept is that storge intensifies with years and takes time to fully cultivate. Yes, achieving an optimum level of storge is no quick fix. Sounds familiar, parents?
Through countless studies and libraries of research papers, psychologists, scientists and child development experts have published many fascinating and theoretical ideas in an attempt to explain the connection between parents and children. For example, the studies and arguments of academia have sought to explain why babies send ever the most hardened people into cooing hysterics. Within the same realm, other research has focused on why we deeply love our children when they get older, throw tantrums, start arguments and frequently defy even the most basic of requests. The conclusions all basically point to the same idea that your bond with your child will change over the years, will be challenged, but rarely does the intensity fade.
In support of this point, CS Lewis mused deeply on the role of storge in the world. According to the novelist and intellectual, storge is the most natural, emotive, and widely diffused of loves, confirming the idea that bonds will grow between parents and children despite many roadblocks along the way. He elaborated further in his study The Four Loves in the sense that storge is natural in that it is present without coercion; emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity; and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to superficial characteristics. All signs point to the mystery of the bond once again.
Attachment Theory and Storge: Attachment theory is another area of psychological discourse that is routed in the central ideas of storge love. At the crux of the theory is the idea that attachment behavior in parents towards their children includes responding sensitively and appropriately to their individual needs. In-depth research has also proved that the aforementioned behavior appears as a universal cause-and-effect relationship across virtually all societies and cultures. In essence, attachment theory provides a thorough and tangible hypothesis of how events in the parent-child relationship dynamic develop and influences subsequent emotional intelligence and behavior.
First appearing in the mainstream in 1958, attachment theory in psychology was pioneered by John Bowlby, a London-based psychiatrist who worked in a Child Guidance Clinic in London. Bowlby’s hands-on experience led him to postulate on the importance of the child’s relationship with their mother in terms of developing cognitive and emotional functions. Specifically, it shaped his belief about the link between early infant separations with the mother and later maladjustment, and led Bowlby to publish his revolutionary theory.
Contrasting dramatically with other intellectuals of the time and the established status quo, Bowlby believed that children are born biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others. The motivating factor is pure Darwinism- this attachment will help them to survive and thrive.
The survival instincts include crying and smiling with the immediate goal of stimulating caregiving responses from their parents. As opposed to other theories of the day, Bowlby stressed that determinant of attachment is not food, but care and responsiveness. This is of course was met with widespread opposition and is still attacked by academia to this day.
Equally interesting, Bowlby’s theory placed paramount important on early childhood attachment to parents. In his research he established that the critical period for developing an attachment was between birth and five years. The consequences of not developing an attachment during this period were dire in his view. Specifically, the child would suffer from several permanent developmental consequences, namely inability to regulate anger and reduced intelligence.
Although it is unknown how well versed Bowlby was with Ancient Greek notions of love, but his attachment theory has all the hallmarks of a storge-influenced concept. Ideas of commitment to children, community and the sense of security all central to storge ideology are present in Bowlby’s work. Equally important, attachment theory is also grounded in the type of love that binds families together and idea that the unity of the group remains complete and unbreakable. Again, this is highly consistent with the ideas of the Ancient Greeks when it came to parental love.
Notions of unconditional love and storge go hand-in-hand, despite the former being a relatively new phenomenon in the world of parenting. Let’s take a step back here to fully understand the link though. It is easy and convenient for parents to openly declare to love their children unconditionally. However, when children test the limits of parental love through acts of disobedience, defiance and disrespect, this notion can be challenged, at face-value at least. According to psychologists, the dominant parenting approach practiced in the US was more conditionally based until the 1960s. The key keeping this order was routed in fear.
But times have changed, and so have parenting styles, which have embraced unconditional love in both name and principle. The textbook definition of raising a child with unconditional love is typically based on the idea that no fear is brought into parent-child interactions, from discipline to major arguments. Further examination and subjective analysis defines to love unconditionally as the ability of parents accept their children completely and without restrictions or stipulations. And yes, this need for unconditional love begins at conception and grows and grows.
The idea that storge necessitates certain familial loyalties, responsibilities, duties and entitlements links it directly with unconditional love of parenting. Think of the expression “blood is thicker than water” and storge and unconditional love associated with parenting become basically synonymous.
Furthermore, academics also believe that a practice of more unconditional love will benefit children in the longer-term and encourage them to do their best and achieve the highest level of which they are capable. Again, this complies with storge notions of duty and responsibility to one’s family and one’s self.
Interaction and your child’s mental health: If storge love is an instinctual love, it ultimately guides your interactions with your children. Over the past half century numerous groundbreaking papers have reinforced the idea that mental health of children depends on the way parents interact with them, hence the importance of following natural parental instincts rather than ego based responses. Psychologists have long debated the correct way to interact with children, and through their interactions have identified four methods.
Within the context of exploring the link between parent-child interaction and storge, we will focus on two extremes.
Firstly, type-A parenting is characterized by high on control and low on warmth interactions towards children. This style stems from the idea that by instituting discipline a child will become a functional adult. While driven by the kind of parental love bucketed into the storge category and linked closely with the philosophy’s focus on family responsibility and duty, type-A interaction generally runs counter to this idea. Children of type-A parents often fail to develop characteristics such as self-confidence and independence and thus fail to achieve what is expected of them by parents.
Secondly, and more in line with the storge principle of parental love and support is type-D parenting. In psychological circles this style is characterized as high on control and high on warmth.
Taking a step back, parents with who favor overt expressions of love demonstrate a high love of unconditional love to their children. Looking at this style more holistically, this type of parenting can distinguish between the child as a person and the child’s actions, decisions and attitudes. This is a classic type –D parent. To ensure the continuity of a functional family unit, these parents are extremely consistent in their interactions with their children. Rarely do they confuse children with erratic behavior of punishing them one today and rewarding them another day for the same behavior.
Irrespective of the event, the key takeaway here is that when the child is punished for his and her behavior, self-worth remains intact. The child doesn’t feel rejected, rather accepted for who they are. It is here where the link with storge can be articulated. Adopting a controlled yet loving parenting style, the storge precepts of a sense of security and emotional refuge are established. As a result of this style of parenting the child has a sense of belonging to a family unit wholeheartedly and a sense of the permanence of love, also another storge trait.
Through the lens of mental health, a withdrawn, draconian style can have dire consequences for children. Feelings of total rejection brew in children as a result, leading to intense loneliness and misery, and most un-storgically, isolation. Other mental health conditions such as depression, self-harm and suicide spike under parenting styles high on control and low on warmth.
Parent and child love will continue to arouse intense debate, new theories and explanations. While the answer to the strength and immediacy of this bond might eventually be proven by science or psychology, the most logical answer is more than likely to be based in a philosophical argument.
Storge, with its familial roots, focus on the eternal love and yes, its pockets vagueness might not explain why parents and children share the uniquest of bonds, but still cannot be discredited as an explanation of why love is love. Along with many of the other principles of Ancient Greek civilization ranging from mathematics to medicine to seafaring, the philosophy of love has stood the test of time and an idea such as storge, continues to maintain its relevance across borders and generations of parents and children.
Pragma Love | Love That Endures
Everlasting Love | Enduring Love
Pragma is also known as Pragmatic love or Enduring Love. This is the kind of love that values practical aspects of a relationship as the most important and driving force.This can mean that the pragmatic lover weighs up what they consider to be important traits for their relationship and their partner, and bases their view of whether love is desirable or not on whether there are sufficient reasons for it to be useful and valuable to them.
It is as far from the notion of impulsive, romantic love as it is possible to be, but at the same time it can have some value. For example, we all know that the kind of deeply unwise love affairs that begin as impulsive and chaotic can often lead to heartbreak and may prove to have no future, as powerful as they may be at the time. With pragma, the thinking and the feelings behind it is formation are that this is a love that can last, and survive beyond any first flush of romance.
The pragmatic lover will often have a very clear idea of the kind of person they would like to have as a partner. Their idea of what their partner should be can be precise down to very exact physical features, character traits, lifestyle and outlook. The reasons the pragmatic lover has chosen these qualities for their ideal partner are being they are the qualities the pragmatic lover believes will create the very best possible relationship.
This also means the pragmatic lover is very unlikely to stray from their ideal idea of a lover to engage in casual romantic encounters, as they see no need or value in these kinds of relationships which have no future.
Being this kind of lover can be helpful in many ways, because the qualities the pragmatic lover has chosen for their ideal partner are based on genuine belief in what can sustain a long-lasting relationship for them. When they meet the right person, they do not need to waste any time wondering whether it can work, because they already have a very definite idea that it can, so doubts are less present in a pragmatic lover’s mind.
However, there are downsides to this kind of love, for the pragmatic lover thinks of themselves and also for their partner. These downsides for the partner come in the form of expectation that they will live up to a certain pre-defined role in their pragmatic lover’s mind. This can be disconcerting and may be even become painful if the partner of a pragmatic lover feels misunderstood, stifled or as though they are a disappointment to their partner as the two get to know each other better.
By its very nature, love and relationships offer deeper and deeper insight into each other’s personalities over time, and it may be that a first impression or first few months of a relationship reveal a very different person to the person underneath, as the two people become more comfortable with each other and see more and more aspects of each other’s personalities, moods and lifestyles.
The pragmatic lover, in turn, may feel intense disappointment or even something like betrayal if they find that their partner is not exactly as they had expected or imagined them to be in any important way. This can lead to problems early on in the relationship in which nobody is at fault.
Pragmatic lovers love to feel useful to their partner, and vice versa, and it is this feeling of everything moving towards a practical and useful end that fills them with satisfaction. This they see as being the way a functional relationship should be. The upside of thinking this way is that, when their relationships do work, they are indeed lifelong and wonderfully fulfilling ones, which the daily mundanities of life together do not deteriorate but rather strengthen.
Pragmatic love may be described as convenient, and the kind of relationship in which everything must instantly slot into place, with little need for adjusting to accommodate each other’s needs and foibles.
This is a high expectation to place on any new relationship, because for the most part this is something that - although it may appear on the surface is happening by useful convenience in a new relationship - is actually only two people making great allowances for each other in the deep wish that they find themselves to be perfectly compatible. In most cases this is a temporary honeymoon phase during which both partners are more flexible and accommodating than they will be at later stages in the relationship, as differences arise.
The pragmatic lover’s choice of partner is based on the traits that they value and desire in their ideal mate, and those which they feel are compatible with their own. They have a deep need to seek a sense of value from their relationships, and to feel that they can function perfectly with their partner for some sense of common good or future ambition.
Seeing beyond the initial stages of the relationship in a practical way can mean that relationships actually overcome many obstacles that would destroy a different kind of relationship with a different kind of lover, as the pragmatic lover keeps the end goal in sight at all times and is less likely to become put off by what they see as a minor problem on the way.
Of course this also means that the goal being worked towards must be shared between the two people in the relationship, otherwise there can be miscommunication and misunderstandings between the two that can lead to confusion. When those goals are shared, however, there is very little that can tear these kinds of relationships apart, and they can be the most fulfilling and long-lasting relationships of all.
One other potential problem, however, is that in these kinds of relationships - if great care is not taken - the end goal may become more important than the relationship or the individuals in it, to the extent that the relationship itself becomes more of a working partnership rather than a romantic connection. And what happens if that end goal is reached?
In cases such as these, there may be a sense of trade or entitlement, whereby both partners are working with or for each other at any given time, in a sense of constant exchange of duties. This kind of thinking can lead to resentment and the feeling of being taken advantage of, or of one person working for the wants and needs of the other in an unequal partnership.
The result can be that one partner feels the other is a burden in some way, and this can build up over time to become a toxic relationship that is damaging to both people in it. Things such as housework, wages, taking care of children and other family members, household expenditure and other practical elements of a successful relationship can become the only elements of a relationship with a pragmatic lover that are considered, leading to a neglect of the romantic understanding between the two.
However, this kind of practical consideration and shared duty to the relationship and associated factors does not have to be a bad thing by any means. In cultures where arranged marriage is the norm, such considerations form a large part of the decision to settle on a particular partner, with the long term goal of a harmonious and functional household and family environment taking a primary role in the proceedings.
This is also helpful for large communities where networks of families are required to cooperate in order for the wider benefit of the community as a whole. Such considerations as a partner’s income, background, beliefs, skills, ambitions, temperament and family goals are entirely relevant to choosing a partner to form the most functional of all possible relationships that will continue to be functional for the foreseeable future. Although this may seem lacking in romance, it can outlive more romantic relationships and far surpass them when it comes to peace and
There are several excellent examples of pragmatic love in popular culture, and perhaps the best of these is demonstrated in the Jane Austen novel Sense and Sensibility. One of the central characters, Marianne, is initially swept away with romantic feelings towards the charismatic Will ought by, taking into consideration none of the more practical aspects of their courtship. Marianne is portrayed as having more sensibility’ (which can be called Mania) than sense, unlike her more controlled sister Elinor who is the sense’ in the dynamic.
This is to Marianne’s detriment when she fails to look into his background or examine his motives and intentions towards her, resulting in her near ruin in the eyes of society. When Marianne assumes his romantic gestures are all she needs to consider, she finds herself made a fool of, having assumed that a proposal would be forthcoming, and puts her reputation on the line by behaving as though they are already engaged. This leads to a chaotic and exciting whirlwind romance and a devastating letdown, before a broken-hearted Marianne learns her lesson.
Marianne’s style of love then becomes pragmatic as a result of this trauma, and she weighs up the benefits of alternative suitor Colonel Brandon. With the approach of a pragmatic, Marianne notes evidence that the Colonel can provide stability and security, that he has demonstrated the reliability of his love for her, and that she would have a more peaceful and long-lasting union with him than she had with Willoughby.
From this example we can see that the pragmatic style of love is held up as an example to follow, and that it can be more rewarding and in many cases more fulfilling than some of the alternative styles of love.
In more modern terms, the pragmatic type of love is appealed to when it comes to things such as dating apps and websites. It is not possible to practically portray the contents of one’s character via the profiles associated with these sites and apps, and so each potential mate has their qualities distilled into data. This can include things such as their age, height, eye and hair colour, location, profession and interests. From this information, potential partners can be viewed and sorted, and ranked according to desirability.
For the pragmatic, this kind of dating is ideal, because they have a very clear idea of what they want and can often begin by seeking out these very practical aspects of a lover’s lifestyle and appearance.
This means that they can then choose from a much smaller pool of potential partners, and can try to find the one they feel best matches what they’re looking for. One problem for the pragmatic, of course, is that these dating apps and sites can sometimes present false information, so all they can really be sure of is how a potential partner presents themselves.
Other kinds of lovers with different styles can find this type of dating very difficult to navigate and can feel uncomfortable trying to judge potential partners based on such practical details, so the pragmatic has an advantage in the modern dating landscape.
Where pragmatics may struggle is in being too rigid with their expectations. Not only can this affect any relationships they are in, but it can also narrow their focus to the extent that they may miss out on excellent potential partners due to being too restrictive with what they want. Their love style also assumes that they know themselves well enough to know what kind of person they will be ultimately compatible with, but in truth many of us simply do not know ourselves as well as we think we do. In such cases, the pragmatic lover may make assumptions about their own character that are different from reality, and choose a partner based on this starting point.
For the pragmatic lover who truly knows and is at peace with themselves, however, there is a great deal of happiness and contentment to be enjoyed in a relationship once they find the partner they are looking for. A relationship with a pragmatic can, therefore, be one of the best relationships of them all.
Philautia | Love of Oneself
Love Yourself | Self Esteem
How deep is your Philautia? One of the major lessons on the divine journey is learning to love unconditionally. Nevertheless, what is frequently overlooked, is the significance of loving yourself along with everything else. In spite of everything, are you not part of the whole of Life? Here is a delightful old haiku which clarifies this... "On my horse, clip-clopping via the field. Aha! I am part of the grand picture!" As you live to realize that you are an essential part of Life's grand picture, it turn out to be clear that loving yourself along with everything else is part of the assignment.
Some of you might feel uneasy or uncomfortable with the idea of philautia, because it's frequently interpreted as being excessively self-involved. Many convictions teach that total self-sacrifice is the ideal, and that philautia is the antithesis of being unselfish. I'm not at all knocking self-sacrifice, but is philautia really opposed to self-sacrifice? And is it similar to being too self-involved? What actually is philautia?
Philautia is mainly a matter of unconditional self-acceptance, with a moment of appreciation and empathy for oneself thrown in. Can you acknowledge yourself unconditionally... that is, deprived of having to fulfil certain circumstances, or live up to some certain standard? If not, then what do you have to be or do, to fully admit yourself? Do you really have to be successful? Do you have to look a particular way? Do you have to be charitable all the time? Do you have to be continually productive? The list of circumstances we may attach to Philautia or self-acceptance is long.
What Are Your Circumstances For Philautia?
If you take an honest and deep look inside yourself, you may realize that your circumstances for loving yourself are the same to the spoken or unspoken situations that your parents devoted to their love and approval. The point here, is not to put the blame or fault on your parents. Just like most humans, your parents were perhaps doing the best they could within their limited context. And, accept it or not, you chose them as an essential part of your divine or spiritual curriculum.
Though, the common tendency is to accept these parental conditions as our own circumstances for loving ourselves. As we take on these circumstances, another motivating dynamic often occurs. We have a tendency to project these circumstances for being loved onto Spirit. Deep in our consciousness or mindfulness, the belief grows that "God will just love me if I am _______________." (Fill in the space with whatever circumstances you discover.) Obviously this belief is undeniably erroneous because Spirit's love is undeniably unconditional.
But in our brains - normally our subconscious brains or minds - our parents' situations for loving us, Spirit's situations for loving us, and our own situations for loving ourselves, all become intertwined. As an outcome, we may go through life continually striving to meet these situations as an unconscious effort to earn the love of family, Spirit and self. And because the situations are infrequently attained in full, healthy philautia remains elusive.
Philautia Effects And Its Shortages.
What are the main effects of not loving ourselves?
1. It makes it hard to truly love other people. This is because we have a tendency to judge them by similar conditions with which we judge ourselves.
2. It makes it hard for us to admit love from another person, because if we aren’t suitable to our conditions for philautia, we have a tendency to feel that we are not lovable.
3. A shortage of philautia also have a tendency to pose a major problem to creating the life we wish for. If we believe we are not admitted to Spirit, we obviously assume that we don't deserve Life's plentiful gifts and the loving backing of the Universe in our endeavors. This deep trust unconsciously directs a negative message to the Universe - a command to the interplanetary computer - which is fundamentally saying, "I'm not worthy, and no matter how much I may ask, or whine, or pray do not fulfil my dreams and hopes." In this manner, we penalize ourselves by damaging our own efforts. Spirit never penalizes us, but we can do a curiously good job of penalizing ourselves.
Alternatively, what are the positive impacts of loving yourself? If you have a proper sense of philautia, you will realize it much easier and simple to love others, and much simpler to accept the love of other people. The moment you love yourself, you feel worthy of the good things in life and the influential support of the Universe. This obviously opens the door for your dreams and hopes to be satisfied more easily, and for your life to continue with more green lights than red.
How Do You Cultivate Philautia?
Here are some ways of building greater philautia.
1. Deepening your consciousness or awareness. That means performing a bit of honest and deep soul-searching... questioning yourself like, "Is there an impact of philautia in my life? And if there is, why? What are the essential dynamics?" There are various ways to shine a light into the insensible potholes of your mind... soft reflection, talking it out with a reliable friend, therapist or putting it down in a journal are all good tactics. What option works best for you?
2. Convincing your subconscious and conscious mind that Spirit is unconditionally loving. A readiness to reconsider and toss out ancient beliefs, and to accept this latest belief, is frequently enough for your conscious mind. Though, your subconscious mind - which stocks information or data much like a computer - may want a bit of "re-coding." The daily recurrence of a positive assertion - like "Spirit is unconditionally loving" - is one of the great commonly used approaches for this. Assertions can be written, repeated mentally or spoken aloud. Self-hypnosis is also a broadly used approach for re-coding the subconscious mind.
3. Making a list of all your positive qualities. Even though you are cultivating "unconditional" self-acceptance, this helps create a shift toward thinking of yourself in a more positive light.
4. Meditating on philautia. Here is a simple meditation for learning to accept and appreciate yourself just as you are.
This meditation is done from the perspective of your "Spiritual Self." Your Spiritual Self is the quiet, knowing, non-judging observer within you. All the rest of you... your body, mind, emotions, personal traits, etc., we will refer to as your "personality." Just for this exercise, think of your personality as a separate person.
· Sit comfortably and close your eyes
· Now begin to observe your personality... notice your thoughts, your emotions, how your body feels, etc.
· Take some time to get acquainted with your personality. Objectively think about its various characteristics.
· Next, imagine that your personality is your child, and that you are its parent.
· See this child as a perfect creation of Spirit... still growing into its highest potential, but perfect at whatever stage it's now at.
· Accept your child as it is... accept it completely, just as it is.
· Look at your child with appreciation and compassion. Look fondly and compassionately at your child, with all of its strengths and positive traits, as well as it's various weaknesses and follies.
· Open your heart and embrace this child with complete, unconditional love.
Practicing any or all of the above exercises will help deepen your philautia. Although encountering challenges along the way is an integral part the spiritual journey, you will find that healthy philautia can be a tremendous aid in smoothing out the rough and rocky stretches of your path.
Before you can love someone else, you must first love yourself. And self-love has to do with knowing who you are. It's about knowing that you are more than just your physical presence. That's only one aspect of us. We have a body, mind and a soul that is the expression of the infinite. That soul is perfect. It is whole. It is complete. There is nothing missing.
When you notice that nothing is absent from who you are, you'll find how powerful you are. And when you begin living in that power, and being right to your soul, you will entice the people and life partner that will grow you and support you as you make and live a purpose-filled life.
How Philautia Can Transform Relationships?
All human beings are created with the natural need to give and receive love. We are created in love forms the foundation of our divine spiritual selves, and of our physically manifested life. Even the many limitations that we encounter in our early lives do not remove love from our spiritual center, because it is the essence of who we are.
Though we are created as love, as we journey through our lives it is possible to forget love, which takes a back seat to the many other demands of life. It is also possible to sustain wounds as we travel through life that damage our ability to connect with ourselves and to feel the inner experience of love that would otherwise sustain us.
In humanity's long journey through physical embodiment, we have learned to develop our sense of individuality and separateness. This has brought much learning and growth, but has also created a greater experience of disconnection from our divine spiritual nature. When we are disconnected from our inner connection with spirit, many painful afflictions can arise.
In today's world, there has been such an extreme level of disconnection from spirit, that humanity has forgotten the sacred nature of life and relationship. This forgetting has led to abuse, violence and all manner of painful negative experiences. Many souls today carry scars from encountering this kind of extreme separated consciousness, and these wounds can create habitual negative energy patterns that form in the physical and emotional bodies.
One extremely common form of misdirected negative energy is to turn anger in on oneself. The mind and emotions attack the self, causing great physical and emotional distress. This results in a more limited capacity to share deeply with others, because so much energy is being recycled back and forth within the self. Sadly, many human beings suffer from self-anger, self-blame and self-hatred. These form a projection of sorts, where the negative energy that was received at some point in the past, becomes attached to the self and directed towards the self.
This affliction can greatly interfere with one's relationships, because it becomes difficult to be fully present in the moment in a space of love to share with others. Self-hatred can also distort perception, so that is becomes difficult to know with real clarity what is happening within relationships.
The antidote to this cycle of difficulty is the development of philautia. Philautia is not a technique, but rather the restoration of our innate spiritual center, which is love. From this place, love from the divine flows freely into the body, mind, emotional bodies, and spirit. Love is expressed outwardly towards others and oneself as a natural flow.
How Can We Restore Philautia?
This journey begins with the simple prayer and intention. "Restore me, precious God, to my spiritual inner purity and grace. Release my burdens, free me from sorrow, and anoint me with your holy spiritual love."
This prayer, recurrent with genuine sincerity, will open a pathway of homecoming to your spiritual inner being. The divine journey issues the hold that negative powers, actions and memories have had upon us, and reinstates our inner harmony with God's love. Love will flow easily within you, and consequently around you, as it obviously expresses and flows outward to other people.
When you stop to give power and attention to self-hatred and self-blame, and start receiving divine love, your whole power field transforms and no longer booms in whatever problems you might have had with another person. When you no longer taking part in the negative power pattern, then it cannot endure itself and it starts to dissolve. This can be done deprived of even speaking to another person. The power shift you make has an effect on all of your relationships, and can do miracles of all kinds/types.
When you personally make the decision to pick philautia, instead of self-hatred, you will realize many negative thought emotions and patterns rise up. This is a usual part of the process, for when a soul selects light; the powers of darkness rise up in attempt and response to disrupt that decision. When this happens, stay peaceful; proceed to pick love, and to just observe the negative thoughts, powers and emotions. These will pass on their own, and as you journey you will see a new life appear before you, a life that is blessed with love
A Shared Goal | Love of Sharing
Philia | Brotherhood of Man
Philia, often translated "brotherly love", is one of the four ancient Greek words for love: philia, storge, agape and Eros. In Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, philia is usually translated as "friendship" or affection. The complete opposite to philia is called a phobia.
It is the way of affection and a portion of the moral and political consequences. For the scholar, the inquiry "what is love?" creates a large group of issues: love is a theoretical thing which implies for some it is a word unattached to anything genuine or sensible, that is all; for others, it is a methods by which our being—our self and its reality—are unalterably influenced once we are 'touched by affection'; some have looked to break down it, others have liked to abandon it in the domain of the inexpressible.
Assuming affection has a nature, it ought to be, to some degree in any event, describable inside the ideas of dialect. In any case, what is implied by a suitable dialect of depiction might be as logically flabbergasting as affection itself. Such contemplations summon the theory of dialect, of the importance and propriety of implications, however they additionally give the investigation of "affection" with its first standards. Does it exist and assuming this is the case, is it understandable, fathomable, and describable? Affection might be understandable and intelligible to others, as comprehended in the expressions, "I am infatuated", "I adore you", yet what "love" implies in these sentences may not be broke down further: that is, the idea "adoration" is irreducible-an aphoristic, or plainly obvious, situation that warrants no further learned interruption, an apodictic classification maybe, that a Kantian may perceive.
However it is irrefutable that love plays a tremendous and unavoidable part in our societies; we discover it examined in melody, film, and books—hilariously or truly; it is a steady subject of developing life and a lively topic for youth. Thoughtfully, the nature of love has, following the season of the Antiquated Greeks, been a pillar in rationality, delivering speculations that reach from the materialistic origination of affection as absolutely a physical wonder—a carnal or hereditary urge that directs our conduct—to hypotheses of affection as a seriously profound undertaking that in its most noteworthy licenses us to touch godliness. Generally, in the Western custom, Plato's Symposium displays the starting content, for it gives us a hugely compelling and appealing thought that affection is portrayed by a progression of rises, in which bestial longing or base desire is superseded by a more learned origination of love which likewise is surpassed by what might be interpreted by a religious vision of affection that rises above erotic fascination and commonality. From that point forward there have been depreciators and supporters of Dispassionate love and in addition a large group of option speculations—including that of Plato's understudy, Aristotle and his more mainstream hypothesis of intimate romance reflecting what he depicted as 'two bodies and one soul.'
The philosophical treatment of affection rises above an assortment of sub-controls including epistemology, power, religion, human instinct, legislative issues and morals. Regularly articulations or contentions concerning love, its tendency and part in human life for instance interface with one or all the focal hypotheses of rationality, and is frequently contrasted and, or analyzed with regards to, the methods of insight of sex and sex and body and purposefulness. The assignment of a rationality of affection is to introduce the proper issues in an apt way, drawing on applicable speculations of human instinct, yearning, morals, et cetera.
Sorts of Philia:-
Aristotle separates companion ships into three sorts, in view of the intention in shaping them: fellowships of utility, Friendship of delight and Friendship of the great.
Friendship of utility are connections shaped without respect to the next individual by any stretch of the imagination. Purchasing stock, for instance, may require meeting someone else however as a rule needs just an extremely shallow relationship between the purchaser and merchant. In current English, individuals in such a relationship would not be called companions, however associates (in the event that they even recollected each different a short time later). The main reason these individuals are imparting is keeping in mind the end goal to purchase or offer things, which is not a terrible thing, but rather when that inspiration is gone, so goes the relationship between the two individuals unless another inspiration is found. Dissensions and squabbles for the most part just emerge in this kind of kinship.
At the following level, fellowships of joy depend on unadulterated get a kick out of the organization of other individuals. Individuals who drink together or offer a side interest may have such companionship. Notwithstanding, these companions may likewise part—for this situation in the event that they no more appreciate the common movement, or can no more take part in it together.
Fellowships of the great are ones where both companions appreciate each other's characters. For whatever length of time that both companions keep comparable characters, the relationship will continue following the thought process behind it is look after the companion. This is the most abnormal amount of philia, and in cutting edge English may be called genuine kinship.
"Presently it is workable for bad individuals too, to be companions to each other for joy or utility, for better individuals to be companions to bad individuals, and for somebody with neither one of the characters to be a companion to somebody with any character. Unmistakably, good individuals can be companions to each other as a result of the other individual himself; for bad individuals discover no pleasure in each other in the event that they get no advantage."
Not all obligations of philia includes correspondence Aristotle notes. A few case of these might incorporate affection for father to child, senior to more youthful or ruler to subject. By and large however, the obligations of philia are symmetrical.
In the event that philia is a kind of adoration, Thomas Jay Oord has contended that it must be characterized so as not to repudiate love. Oord characterizes philia as a purposeful reaction to advance prosperity when coordinating with or become a close acquaintance with others. What's more, his philia is not just that significance. The philia additionally gives people true companionship.
Mythical Being, Adequacy And Philia:-
Aristotle perceives that there is an obvious clash between what he says in regards to philia and what he says somewhere else (and what is broadly held at the time) about the independent way of the satisfied life:
"It is said that the blessedly glad and independent individuals have no need of companions. For they as of now have [all] the merchandise, and consequently, acting naturally adequate, require nothing included."
He offers different answers. The first depends on the innate integrity of representing and being worried for others ("the brilliant individual works for his companions and for his local nation, and will pass on for them on the off chance that he should" therefore, being a completely high-minded and satisfied individual essentially includes having others for whom one is concerned — without them, one's life is deficient:
Aristotle's second answer is: "great individuals' coexistence permits the development of righteousness". At long last, he contends that one's companion is "another oneself," thus the joy that the upright individual gets from his own life is likewise found in the life of another temperate individual. "Any individual who is to be glad, then, should have phenomenal companions".
"The lone individual's life is a struggle, since it is difficult for him to be ceaselessly dynamic without anyone else's input; however in connection to others and in their organization it is simpler."
Friendship of a lesser quality may likewise be founded on the joy or utility that is gotten from another's organization. A business fellowship depends on utility- - on shared correspondence of comparable business interests; once the business is at an end, then the kinship breaks down. This is like those fellowships in view of the joy that is gotten from the other's organization, which is not a joy appreciated for whom the other individual is in himself, yet in the stream of delight from his activities or cleverness.
The principal condition for the most astounding type of Aristotelian adoration is that a man cherishes himself. Without a prideful premise, he can't stretch out sensitivity and fondness to others. Such self-esteem is not libertine, or celebrated, contingent upon the quest for prompt delights or the idolization of the group, it is rather an impression of his quest for the respectable and ethical, which come full circle in the quest for the intelligent life. Kinship with others is required "since his motivation is to ponder commendable activities... to live agreeably... partaking in talk and thought" as is fitting for the high-minded man and his companion. The ethically high-minded man merits thus the affection for those beneath him; he is not obliged to give an equivalent adoration consequently, which infers that the Aristotelian idea of affection is elitist or fussbudget: "In all fellowships inferring disparity the adoration likewise ought to be relative, i.e. the preferred ought to be more adored over he cherishes.". Correspondence, in spite of the fact that not as a matter of course equivalent, is a state of Aristotelian adoration and companionship, albeit parental affection can include an uneven affection.
For Aristotle, with a specific end goal to feel the most noteworthy type of philia for another, one must feel it for oneself; the object of philia is, all things considered, "another oneself." only this doesn't submit Aristotle to vanity, obviously. Not just is self-esteem not contrary with affection for others, but rather Aristotle is mindful so as to recognize the kind of self-esteem that is censured (credited to "the individuals who grant the greatest offer in cash, respects, and real delights to themselves. For these are the merchandise wanted and anxiously sought after by the numerous on the supposition that they are ideal" [1168b17–19]) from that which ought to be respected (credited to one who "is constantly avid most importantly to perform just or calm activities or some other activities as per the excellencies, and as a rule dependably picks up for himself what is fine [noble, good]" [1168b25–27]).
Truth be told:-
"The great individual must have self-love, since he will both help himself and advantage others by performing fine activities. In any case, the bad individual must not love himself, since he will hurt both himself and his neighbors by taking after his base sentiments."
Aristotle additionally holds, however, that, as Hughes puts it: "just eventually legitimate purpose behind doing anything is that acting in that way will add to a satisfied life." Along these lines demonstrations of philia may appear to be basically prideful, performed evidently to help other people, yet in truth expected to build the operator's satisfaction. This, nonetheless, confounds the way of the activity with its inspiration; the great individual doesn't play out an activity to help a companion since it will give her satisfaction; she performs it keeping in mind the end goal to help the companion, and in performing it makes both her companion and herself upbeat. The activity is in this manner great both in itself and for the impact it has on the others joy This, nonetheless, confounds the way of the activity with its inspiration; the great individual doesn't play out an activity to help a companion since it will give her satisfaction; she performs it keeping in mind the end goal to help the companion, and in performing it makes both her companion and herself upbeat. The activity is in this manner great both in itself and for the impact it has on the specialist's joy
Characterizing adoration can help us find which kind we have to give a greater amount of and which kind we need to get. In the event that we join Eros, Ludus and Pragma into our connections and Agape, Philia and Storge into our lives, we will achieve Philautia and carry on with a more content life. In the territory of political rationality, adoration can be considered from an assortment of points of view. For instance, some may consider affection to be an instantiation of social strength by one gathering (guys) over another (females), in which the socially built dialect and decorum of adoration is intended to enable men and disempower ladies.
Ludus | Play ful Love
Flirtatious Love | Narcissistic Love
The Greeks, oh what an interesting civilization. They have given us great advancements in science, math, literature, language and politics. According to linguists, they had over 30 words for explaining love and its different versions. Then, Canadian psychologist John Lee wrote a book called “The colors of love” where he chooses 6 of these words that best describe the different feelings of love, and gave each one of them a color. In this article we will make deep emphasis on Ludus, also known as playful love.
Ludus, or Playful love is assigned the color blue in Lee´s color wheel. It was described by the Greeks as the kind of love felt by young lovers or children. Ludus is defined as “sport or play” so this type of lover tends to view love as a game. They will take pride in having multiple conquests and will find it extremely hard to commit to one person, after all they’re all about the game and excitement that comes along with a new partner. According to Lee it has the potential to turn into Mania, which is characterized by addictive behaviors and dependency, or to Pragma, in which you choose a lover based on whether he or she is good for you or not.
People who enjoy love as Ludus get the most out of having fun with the partner (or partners) they are with, it’s not uncommon of them to play harmless pranks and to want to be together a lot, having many indoor or outdoor activities that include laughter, socializing and most of all, require attention.
Ludus lovers are fond of playful flirting and, as said above, need attention. A common way to practice Ludus is going to bar and flirting and dancing with strangers. As this will rarely lead to a meaningful relationship, especially if you are not looking for one. People who engage in Ludus find themselves always trying to outwit their partner and can be narcissistic liars, since they love nothing more than playing around with the other person’s feelings. They rarely get attached, but they pay extra attention to see if their partner is getting emotionally attached for 2 reasons, one it makes them feel good and feel a sense of accomplishment. And number 2, if they notice that their partner is getting emotionally attached, they can use this to their advantage, and thus ensure that they will not be the ones getting hurt. All this lying and deception, for people who experience love as Ludus, is just meant to always have the upper hand, even though they are normally cheaters and always like to date more than one person at once, they will feel very offended if they find out one of their interests is doing the same.
While it may seem like Ludus lovers are inconsiderate, it’s because narcissism is like that. It makes a person feel superior when they get away with whatever they are trying. But if they are the ones outsmarted, it will hurt them more deeply than the ones they are usually playing. This makes Ludus seekers very prone to mixing their love with mania.
Once they have mixed these two up, it will drive them crazy. If someone who experiences love as Ludus finds out one of their partners is seeking someone else, they will work extra hard for this person. This is the reason Ludus lovers are so careful when stepping into relationships, if they are the ones making the wrong moves it might make them start an obsessive behavior that could go as far as stalking, just to make sure that person does not abandon their side, and hurt their ego even more.
It does not however mean that the Ludus type are jealous, if they feel someone else is after their partner, it will even make them enjoy the fact that they are winning.
Luduspeople are, in the bottom of their heart, seeking the thrill of a new relationship. For this reason they have a wide range of physical tastes in partners, they are not very picky when it comes to picking out a new target for their game. Everyone experiences butterflies and excitement when they start seeing a different person, but Ludus type lovers need it to be able to enjoy a relationship, hence when it starts to evolve and they find themselves starting to get bored of the person they seek amusement elsewhere. This is what makes it especially hard for people to enjoy Ludus to be able to start a committed, long-term relationship.
Like sports, part of the excitement comes from the challenge, Ludus seekers are no exception. Another reason for them to always be out playing the field is that they want to prove to themselves that they can conquer whoever they want and whenever they want. This is why you can also relate Ludus with Eros, another type of love that is associated with passion. For them, everything is about flirting and gallantry, the more people they can do it with, the better.
Since Luduspeople will go out with many people during their sexual peak, it is very likely that they will acquire a lot of knowledge about themselves and what they want. So, every time they are going out with someone new, they will be able to notice what they like and what they don’t. Meeting all these people will also build them a huge network of acquaintances and friends. This means that once they move on from the Ludus type of love and are finally ready for a relationship it is very likely that it will be long lasting one (Pragma, or practical love), and it will probably be with someone with whom they started going out for fun.
Recognizable traits of someone who is embracing Ludus is that they are normally very guarded. Since they need to always be in control, only on rare occasions will they share deep, personal thoughts or so much as a lot of information about themselves. They are always on the prowl for new things and are not ready to commit or develop deep feelings for anyone.
If you notice you are going out with someone who is a Ludus type, you should know you are not irreplaceable and might as well just have fun too. Enjoy their company and live in the moment, because if you are expecting them to change for you, you are mistaken. Ludus lovers are not fond of expectations as just go with the flow, as soon as they start feeling they might be pressured into a relationship they are not seeking, they will leave and find someone else in a matter of days. Ludus types rarely find themselves crying over a relationship that is no more. “Nothing serious” is their motto.
According to John Lee (1973), a phrase that describes Ludus lovers is “when he’s not near the girl he loves, he loves the girl he’s near”. While he word “love” is not exactly what we normally associate with “romantic love” it could not be more fitting. While most types of relationships are normally associated with “monogamy” Ludus lovers find that having many partners will not diminish their feelings for one they truly love, and therefore are prone to cheat in a relationship.
This train of thought could be considered absurd to a lot of people, as they find that as an excuse to be able to hook up with other people while fooling their partners, this not need be true. It can happen that 2 Ludus lovers meet and form a deep bond, in which they recognize their love for each other and want nothing more than their company and well-being. But at the same time, they recognize that part of their nature is to want the thrill of new relationships, which can lead to them playing around with other people but knowing their love is reserved for that special one. They can live like this all their lives, or until they get it out their system and realize all they need is the comfort and strength of a well-founded relationship.
The opposite is also true, Ludus love can be associated with unhappiness in relationships. While the once who values Ludus over other types of love will want to be out having fun with other people, his or her counterpart will be saddened by the thought “I am not enough”. This makes them both unhappy, because in fact the Ludus lover does care for his partner very much and knows that their behavior will cause them unhappiness, and while they wish to not be the reason someone they care for is suffering, they will feel trapped by this person. This is one of the main reasons Ludus seekers pull out of relationships as soon as they are starting to form, they live for fun not for pain and suffering.
It takes very mature people to be able to sustain a relationship when one them, or both engaged in Ludus, being able to separate the past flings with the real partnership they are currently enjoying. They might think if the other knew their history with others, they might want to leave them. Ludus lovers have to understand that this is not their problem, and there is nothing wrong with having been with many people before they found the right one. And their partner has to understand that they are with them because they want to and not because they are forcing themselves to stick around.
Another trait for Ludus lovers, and perhaps that which identifies them, the grass is always greener. The fear of missing out is what spooks the life out of them. The more people they are with, the less they are missing out. Seems understandable right? Not necessarily! If you can identify yourself with Ludus lover stereotype you must also know that you are not always missing out, and you could be trading a beautiful person/relationship for another that could not be worth your while. Nature does not define you, ergo if you can tell that you won’t find another person that will be as good as the one you’re seeing now, don’t let them go.
Now, it also involves a lot of introspection. Just because they are right for you, does not mean you are right, so you will have to tap into the most self-less part of your soul and ask yourself if you are staying in a relationship for the right reasons. If you find yourself agreeing then you have matured and while Ludus seeking may exist within you, the logical side of you has accepted that you are ready to stay committed to a relationship that will benefit both of you, this is the final step for starting a Pragma relationship.
While society could frown at your behavior, this is your problem not theirs and you do not have to justify your actions to anyone. Every relationship needs a bit of Ludus, even if it includes you two going out and pretending you don’t know each other, or something along those lines. If you enjoy being a Ludus type lover, just try to be honest as possible (even though it might ruin your game a bit) it’s worth not hurting someone else’s feelings. You will find yourself being a person capable of much kinder love if you do so.
In the end, we can conclude that Ludus is a type of love that can be identified with immature people, that’s why young people are mostly associated with one. But it can blossom beautifully when handled correctly. It’s associated with having fun and going out with many different people, some of them at the same. Which we now know is just a consequence of our own issues. If you are dating a Ludus type, remember what they are like and do not chase what you cannot have, while if you are a Ludus type remember to not let the one you feel is right go, with the hope that something better will come along.
So get out there and find what you want, may it be fun for a while, or a friendship that could potentially blossom, remember to love yourself.
The Eros of Love | God of Love
Erotic Love Explained | Eros
The Legends Of Eros:-
Eros (the Greek counterpart of the Roman Cupid) is well known as the boyish cherubic figure depicted in all forms of art. The myths involving Eros as the son of Aphrodite (Venus) and Ares (Mars) were formed much later than the original myth.In this older myth, Eros is one of the primeval forces that came into existence from Chaos (Nothingness). To the ancient Greeks, he was the personification of desire and sexuality, represented as a tall, athletic young man; the epitome of beauty.
His power was undisputed, as he was able to "unnerve the limbs and overcome the mind and wise counsel of all gods and all men." (Hesiod, Theogony [116-138]) He became an assistant of Aphrodite after her birth, and later his role changed as he became her son.
The Significance Of The Name:-
Aphrodite (the goddess) got mad at Psyche, (the mortal beauty) because human males were leaving Aphrodite's worship and following the beautiful Psyche around like helpless pups. This is loaded with meaning. Our individuality is first expressed and most powerfully felt as we decide who to fall in love with. And then that's the next kicker. We don't decide. We are so driven that we must consummate before we do anything else. And that's the beauty of it all. It doesn't bear pondering because it is so darned powerful, it makes "sweet victims" of us all. But you know, it really does bear pondering. We need to respect what this process is all about, because it affects eating, sleeping, thinking, thriving, behavior, finances, morality and whether we can stay sober, thus Eros' itself literally means 'desire,' with connotations indicating the love and devotion in romantic relationships.
Legends Of Eros:-
Perhaps one of the most well-known stories about Eros is his relationship with Psyche. Psyche was the Greek word for 'soul', and she eventually became the immortal representation of the human soul and consciousness.
Eros met her when he was ordered to make her fall in love with the ugliest creature alive - a result of Aphrodite's jealousy of the girl's beauty. As he followed her, however, he was wounded by one of his own arrows, and fell in love with Psyche himself.
He summoned Zephyrus, the West Wind, to carry her to an Island, where he courted her in the darkness of light, warning that she could never see his face. Her sisters were jealous of the splendor in which Psyche was kept and cast aspersions over the identity of her lover.
They suggested that he was probably a monster, ashamed of his appearance, who would devour Psyche and the unborn child she carried. Easily deluded by her siblings, Psyche took a lamp into the room, and saw that Eros lay beside her.
A drop of oil from the lamp fell onto the God's arm, awakening him. Distressed by her disloyalty to him, he went to his mother, who set the girl several impossible tasks, which she performed with the assistance of other beings who took pity on her.
The final task was to descend into the Underworld and obtain a beauty cream from Hecate (Persephone), Queen of the Underworld and return it to Aphrodite. She obtained the cream, despite the perils of the Underworld, but as she traveled back to Mount Olympus to give it to Aphrodite, she grew curious and opened the jar.
It contained the Sleep of Death, and she was quickly overcome. Eros saw her lying on the road, and revived her, forgiving her distrust.
Eros Ladder Of Love:-
Eros, the Greek god of Love, represents the passionate desire for all that is good, true, beautiful and meaningful. Eros, who traverses all levels of creation, is the Guide on the passage from the 'Below' to the 'Above', the Messenger between Earth and Heaven, the means to the perfection of the soul. Eros is the driving force and motivation behind all the great discoveries of science, all great art, all great social endeavors, all the magnificent efforts of the human mind, heart, and spirit.
In Plato's Symposium, Socrates says that the mysteries of Eros begin in youth, when we find ourselves passionately attracted to one beautiful girl or boy. Eros is the love that exists between opposing genders. Opposing male & female genders of the same energy are subject to the Law of Attraction. Like energies of opposing genders attract. This attraction of opposing genders of the same energy is called Eros. Different wavelengths of energy create a different aspect of love. All wavelengths of energy have the potential to be divided by gender. A choice of gender is what gives love choice. It is a choice of gender that allows the force of sexual attraction. Without a choice of gender of energy, there is no choice to love another. It is the gender of the wavelength of the energy of another that we love. Eros allows the physical, mental & emotional experience of loving another with similar yet opposing energy.
It allows Lovers to be in harmony and at one with each other. Eros allows the experience of male & female energy to combine in a climactic, orgasmic experience.
As a result of this experience we begin to entertain beautiful new thoughts and feelings. These soon lead us to an appreciation of beauty in other forms as well, and we begin to see that the beauty of one is akin to the beauty of another, and there is something magnificent and wonderful in the essence of all of this loveliness and beauty which attracts us.
Love then leads us to discover for ourselves that the beauty of a mind is even more precious and admirable than the beauty of outward form, and we find ourselves desiring friends and lovers of character, who have beautiful souls, and together we seek to bring to birth beautiful ideas and sentiments which may improve ourselves and each other.
In our converse with beautiful minds and souls, we become conscious of the beauty which exists in living well and righteously, in observing just laws, admiring excellent institutions, and meeting our responsibilities with honor. We begin to understand that the beauty of all of this is of one family, and personal physical beauty is but a sweet and fleeting trifle.
Eros then leads us further into deeper realms of the mind, where we discover the beauty of knowledge and science and reason, and we begin to desire the splendid loveliness of wisdom. And then, being lured by Love to surpass the limitations of reason, we begin to contemplate Universal Beauty. No longer enslaved to the attractions of just one form of beauty, Eros reveals to us a vast sea of beauty, and we find ourselves creating noble and majestic thoughts and emotions.
Finally, having been tutored and disciplined by all these experiences of Love, having gradually ascended this 'Ladder of Love' and thoroughly experienced and contemplated all the many aspects of the Beautiful, Eros leads us forth until we suddenly behold that wondrous noetic 'Beauty' that is no longer subject to death or decay, but is pure, divine, and eternal. In this sacred communion, beholding Beauty with the awakened eye of the soul, no longer seeing mere images or relying on human reason, but actually knowing Reality, we become a 'friend of God' - having purified and perfected our own immortal Soul.
Socrates often said that he had no wisdom at all, that he knew nothing either beautiful or good. In Plato's Symposium, however, he announces that he is an expert on Love. These two statements only appear contradictory. Love, for Socrates, meant longing, and this state of longing is what he meant by being always between ignorance and wisdom, between ugliness and beauty, always seeking and questioning and desiring. Socrates understood Eros, and lived passionately and erotically, precisely because he acknowledged that he knew nothing, but was always an adoring lover and seeker of beauty, goodness, and truth. Plato and Socrates taught the West that these longings - for passionate relationships, for wisdom, for beauty, for immortality, for God - are what make human life meaningful. Eros is the key to the development and fulfillment of our souls. Eros makes possible the hope for human warmth, the hope for a deep connection with life and eternity, the hope for an understanding of the sense and meaning of existence.
But Eros has been badly wounded, just as the ancient myth of Eros and Psyche described so long ago, and he has taken wing and flown away - perhaps never to return.
Eros Love Between Humans:-
The entire world has changed tremendously since the first man and woman made that solemn vow to be true to each other till death do them apart. That purity normally associated with love has been blemished and destroyed on the platter of greed and selfishness. The effect can be seen in the high rate of rape and divorce cases in our society today.
The world now attach so many external factors to true love and affection. These factors include money, beauty, height, color and even educational background. These external factors have eroded the principles on which God established a deep affection between two individuals. Thus the old meaning of eros love has really changed and what we have today is totally different.
In present, Eros or physical love is based on sexual attraction between the two people. This kind of love is often very superficial and therefore cannot last long as two people eventually get bored of each other. Eros love is usually the first step in a romantic relationship, and if the two people are lucky enough to be compatible on a deeper level, then this love can go on to the next stage - the Philos love.
This is human, sexual, and selfish love, or love based on erotic feelings. In this kind, one looks for some characteristic in the object of love that pleases him/her. It could be charm, charisma, beauty, wealth, talent, etc. However, if this person loses that characteristic, the love of the other party dies. This is the kind of love some men profess when their motive is to have sex with a woman. Immediately they get to sleep with the woman, the relationship ends, or as long as the woman continues to give them sex they maintain the relationship.
Eros is exhilarating, and is what a lot of people think of first, a primary working definition of love. Eros is passionate and intense and romantic; it's the zingy, mushy, crazy chemical reaction kind of love. It's generally emotional, and sexual. This romantic love is important in the beginning of a new relationship, and, it may not last unless it evolves into a more complex kind of love, because it focuses more on self than on the other person. We feel aroused and energized fabulously, vitally alive in Eros
Notwithstanding the personality gulf between men and women, the sex urge is sufficient to insure their coming together for the reproduction of the species. This instinct operated effectively long before humans experienced much of what was later called love, devotion, and marital loyalty." Eros is often mistaken for love and therefore easily abused. Without phileo and storge, eros is passion, the sex urge that, when unbridled, can devastate personal lives, its effect radiating into families and society. But the sex impulse is the catalyst that eventually leads to love. Eros gets beyond the romance stage with the support of phileo, storge, and agape, which helps sustain the friendship and spirituality that long-term relationships require.